her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
