I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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