last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
