You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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