took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
