I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
