So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
