Sry I called you an 8
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
