rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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