My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
