I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
