when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
