Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
whose parrot is this?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
