I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
