And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
