but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
