So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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