Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
