She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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