if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
