He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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