idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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