I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
