my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
