conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
