You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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