We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize