I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
