where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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