I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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