And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
