i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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