it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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