I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
