so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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