I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
