Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
