i may or may not be watching the land before time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
