i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
