i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
