If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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