I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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