so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
