is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
