She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
