How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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