I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
