My boss' voice literally gives me gas
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
