I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
