Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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