There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
