Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he thought i was a dude.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
