Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
