p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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