I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
