I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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