I am puke
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
