No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
