Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
