My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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