Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My feet surprised me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
