My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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