Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
