Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
false alarm. still invincible.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize