She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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