remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
