How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
